


Inappropriate References to Abraham Erskine, Courtesy Of Tony Stark

by SammyLuka



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Domestic Avengers, Fluff, Humor, I needed to write something funny and cute after the events of IW, M/M, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Steve Rogers likes to pretend that he’s innocent but he’s not, The Bruce/Thor is minor btw so if that isn’t your thing don’t fret, They’re all so cute and gay, This is a Stony fic above all else, tony stark has no shame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-07
Updated: 2018-05-07
Packaged: 2019-05-03 10:13:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14566794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SammyLuka/pseuds/SammyLuka
Summary: “‘Tones, did you just call Steve a sex robot at eight in the morning? Right in front of my Captain Crunch?’ Rhodey asked calmly, though he couldn’t resist scrunching his nose in distaste. Tony shrugged and took another sip of coffee.”(Or, in which Tony has no filter in the morning and should not be let out of his room under any circumstances).





	Inappropriate References to Abraham Erskine, Courtesy Of Tony Stark

“ _Please_ tell me someone made coffee,” were Tony’s first words as he walked into the kitchen. Around the middle island was gathered Natasha, Clint, Sam, and Rhodey, who were all laughing about something Tony couldn’t make out. Bruce was a bit aways from the rest, leaning against one of the counters with a bowl of cereal and his tablet in hand. Steve was leaning against the fridge, arms crossed, watching the Avengers at the middle island with a soft smile pulling at his lips. When Tony walked in, Steve’s eyes moved to the genius’s figure, as did everyone else’s. Steve was more than a bit entranced by the image of Tony with a messy bed head and a t-shirt that was two sizes two big and yet still left his middle exposed from the way it was pulled up. His pants were also a bit too big and hung low on his lips. Steve had a hard time looking away, but eventually did. 

“In the pot,” Bruce called, only looking up to nod his head towards the counter where a fresh pot of coffee was sitting, seemingly waiting for Tony to consume it. Tony smiled sleepily and began his walk over. There was a noticeable limp in his gait and Steve winced as he watched him. Steve wasn’t the only one who watched, as the whole team tracked Tony movements. Clint was the first one to speak up. 

“Experiment go wrong on you last night, Stark?” he teased. Tony pulled a mug from a cabinet above him and swiveled around to face the team as he poured himself a cup of coffee. 

“There was _definitely_ a bit of experimenting,” Tony remarked, smirking. He adjusted his legs so that he was more comfortable and the whole team noticed. Steve averted his eyes. 

“Oh God, don’t tell me you finally caved in and made a sex robot.” There was a unanimous groan among the inhabitants of the room. Tony walked over and leant back against the counter next to Bruce and lazily scratched at his midriff. Steve’s eyes tracked the motion regardless of how hard he tried to prevent it from happening. Bruce looked between Tony and Steve for a moment, then returned to his tablet, shaking his head fondly. 

“ _I_ didn’t make it,” Tony defended, putting on a pretty convincing expression of innocence. 

Clint leveled his gaze at Tony once again, sighing. “I’m probably gonna regret this, but please, pray tell, who did?” 

Tony snuck a look at Steve (who pointedly ignored him in favor of a particularly interesting magnet on the fridge) before answering. “A man by the name of Abraham Erskine.”

Natasha was the first one to put two and two together. She slowly turned her head to look at Steve, her gaze deadly. Steve’s face was red and his eyes were wide as he pleaded with Natasha to keep her mouth shut. Maybe the rest of the team wouldn’t-

“Tones, did you just call Steve a sex robot at eight in the morning? Right in front of my Captain Crunch?” Rhodey asked calmly, though he couldn’t resist scrunching his nose in distaste. Tony shrugged and took another sip of coffee. 

Sam was the next person to speak up and was considerably more frantic than Rhodes. “Steve, what the hell, man?” he gaped. He glared at Steve with his arms crossed. “How the _hell_ didn’t I know about this? I feel betrayed.” 

Steve’s eyes darted from Sam to Tony then back to Sam as he attempted to come up with an excuse. “We didn’t- I, um. There wasn’t-“ 

Tony sighed and rolled his eyes. “This isn’t exactly a dinnertime topic, Icarus.” 

Sam pointedly focused his gaze on Steve. “I thought we were _best friends_ , man.”

“ _Please_ tell me you two have friendship bracelets,” Tony teased. He snickered into his mug before draining the rest of the coffee. 

“Only if you show me the collar Steve has undoubtedly bought for you,” Sam retorted. 

“Sadly, it hasn’t come in yet.” Tony put on his prettiest smiled and purposely rubbed at his neck, his eyes never leaving Sam’s. 

“Enough!” Clint interjected. “Seriously, if I hear anymore about Tony’s S&M habits, I’m gonna vomit.” 

Natasha looked in between Steve and Tony, her gaze softening. “How long has this been going on?” she asked softly. 

Steve looked up at her, ever thankful for her being the adult among them. “Three months,” he answered quietly. Everyone winced a little at that. Three months was a pretty long time, after all. 

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Natasha asked, her tone even softer now.

“Like Tony said, it wasn’t exactly something we could just… tell you all.” Steve sighed and rubbed his face. “We feared that it might ruin the start of the team dynamic we’d finally found.”

“Speak for yourself, Capsicle,” Tony interrupted. “I just didn’t feel like dealing with Barton making bets with Natasha about my sex life.”

Steve rolled his eyes and shook his head fondly. He could tell that Tony was uncomfortable. “We feared how you’d react.”

Rhodey looked to Tony, his eyes boring into Tony’s own. “Are you happy?” he asked quietly, and suddenly everyone else was quiet. 

Tony cleared his throat and spun the empty mug around in his hands. “Yeah, I am. I’m happy, Rhodey.”

Tony looked at Steve and Steve looked back at Tony and they both smiled. Then Tony stood from the counter and hissed because _oh my god he_ knew _that he shouldn’t have let Steve bend his legs like that the night before_ but _shit_ if it hadn’t felt good in the moment. Steve cleared his throat and focused on fixing his already perfectly-styled hair in the reflective surface of a pot hung up on the wall. 

Bruce set his tablet down on the counter and gently clapped Tony on the shoulder. “If _I_ can adjust to sleeping in the same bed as _Thor_ every night, then you can definitely do this, Tony.” 

Even though Bruce had meant it rather innocently, his encouragement left Tony momentarily speechless. Emphasis on the momentarily. 

“Wait, _you’re_ sleeping with _Thor_? How does that even work?” Tony’s voice was practically a shriek. 

Bruce’s face went red. “Uh, Asgardian magic?” he tried. 

Tony grinned. Steve knew that grin. Tony turned to Steve. Steve went still. 

“Get a room!” Clint barked. He pressed his face into Natasha’s shoulder and groaned. Tony crossed the room, grabbed Steve by the arm, and they did just that. 

Oh, was this going to be fun.

**Author's Note:**

> steve definitely did buy tony that collar, by the way.
> 
> (come say hi to me on my tumblr [here](https://armored-avenger.tumblr.com)! id love to talk about stony, brucethor, sambucky, and just the mcu in general. thank you for reading and don’t hesitate to leave a comment <3)


End file.
